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Sock it to me!

Today I decided to tackle the huge bag of odd socks that has been sitting on the floor of my laundry room – watching me ignore it – for the past few weeks. No real reason, just a rare spurt of domestic activity reared its head (the bag was ready to burst) and I finally got stuck in. As soon as I started I realised some chucking out would need to be done

Now, anyone who’s read Spring cleaning but not really will know that I do not possess the right skill set to do this job well. I spend far too long on it, overthink the whole process and end up with more or less the same pile of stuff when done as what was there in the first place. But this time would be different, I avowed. No mercy would be shown!

The thing is, most of these socks are perfectly good socks. They’ve done their bit, kept our feet warm and toasty for months on end; survived a whirlwind tumble in a washing machine and coped with hours of being spun in circles in a huge, hot dryer. Only to end up waiting in a bag because somehow they’ve lost their partner. Or their partner has lost them. Or ‘someone’ (daughter? son? husband?) didn’t keep them together when gathering the laundry.

How fair is that? So here I sit, surrounded by little piles of socks of all sorts and shades, deciding which ones are up for the chop or not. It’s a merciless world.

There’s a Christmas sock, bought God-knows-how-long-ago, for my daughter. Can’t throw that out, she still loves those – what if we find the other one back? (not to mention the tiny reindeers that won’t stop twinkling up at me). A pink fluffy one, perfect for snuggling in on the sofa in the evenings – surely the other will show up soon? 19 – yes, 19 – single black socks. None of which match each other. No doubt part of my husband’s campaign to buy one style sock that is recognisable as his and won’t end up in our son’s room. Hah! So much for that! Better keep all of them, he probably has the other 19 somewhere upstairs…

Ah, here’s one that can go out – small, black with stripes. A bit tatty. Be gone, sock! And another, a faded, pink and white spotted little item that’s completely lost its shape. Out you go, no guilt. None. A soft, beige and pink little item, with dog ears and a felt ‘tongue’ sticking out at the toe. Hmm. Can I really be that mean?

A Bart Simpson sock! Geez, that’s an oldie! Seems kinda mean to throw it in the bin. Eight small, white ankle socks, good for wearing to the gym. If you’re so inclined.

Slowly, painstakingly, I find a few matching pairs and build a little tower with them. Gives a certain sense of satisfaction. Then I sort what’s left into: bin items/look upstairs for a match/put back into the bag (for now). It’s enough.

washing machine
I knew there was a reindeer one somewhere in here!

Job well done. Ish.

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Christmas is over and the goose got very fat!

Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Did I/we/me and mine have a wonderful, joyous, celebratory Christmas and New Year celebration. Thankful I am. Grateful I am. Stuffed-to-the-gills I am. And oh-so-glad it comes just once a year!!

Truth be told, the month of December is utter madness in our home. Has been ever since my beautiful daughter decided to pop into the world two days before my birthday (Dec 5 – which also happens to be a national, Dutch Christmas Day of sorts as well). 22 years later we’re still trying to work out a way of making the month a little less… manic.

Of course it’s all good fun and there are huge globs of happiness thrown in, with both of us wallowing to our hearts’ content in what we’ve dubbed our ‘birth week’ (steadfastly refusing to acknowledge anything Christmassy until we’ve exhausted ourselves and everyone around us with birthday-making jollities). We decorate tables for early morning delights, hang up themed stringers and balloons, wrap gifts in glistening paper and do everything possible to make the days special. It’s a thrill (and hubby almost faints with relief when it’s over). But by then Christmas is gasping for a look in so I shift gears – fast – to catch up.

Lists I’ve compiled over the years with recipes (traditional, iced Christmas cake: check! Mince meat filling for pies: check!); addresses for REAL cards (I can’t stand e-ones – must get the ones for abroad into the post before 8 Dec!!) and gift ideas are yanked out of boxes covered in dust. Ribbons, gift wrap paper and pretty bows are hauled out of drawers. Candles (red of course!) – lots of them – bought in in BULK. Not to mention a thorough review of the table cloth, Christmas dinner service and glasses to see if anything’s missing or cracked and last year’s wreath for the door…

Geez. I’m even running out of breath writing this! And that’s before I started buying actual gifts – both for my own family and the extended one in Ireland. Plus surprise, small treats for those who’ll join our table over the holidays. A huge bone for the dog – wrapped tightly so he can join the merriment on Christmas Day and have his moment of ‘unwrapping’. Mulled wine and snacks for after Christmas Eve midnight mass (or was it before??!).

And exhale…

This year, because I was hugely thankful to be out of a wheelchair (knee problems a year ago), I kept reminding myself how lucky I was to be able to shop repeatedly in mega-filled streets and over-stuffed stores. Smiled as I hobbled slowly around the stores, mouthing “on my own two legs” to my mirrored reflection when my feet began to shriek in protest. I do believe I may have fooled myself quite well.

But it all came together in the end. The tree went up, glorious and golden. The turkey fitted into the oven, the ham baked divinely. We ate, we drank, we made very merry and revelled in the joy of doing so together.

Roll on next year. Who knows, maybe I’ll have grown wings by then…

Happy New Year, everyone.

image of woman with filled shopping trolley
Bread for the stuffing… where can I find goose fat… oh look the red wine’s on special offer…
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In Sickness and In Health…

I love my husband. I do, I really do. Happily married to the dear man for 26 years. We still giggle at the same things. He is my best friend, the first person I share news with when something significant comes along… the only person who makes me feel ‘safe’ if the world comes too close or shouts in my face.

He still brings me a bunch of long stemmed red roses every year for my birthday. Not a lot to complain about there and I know it. Very well.

BUT…

The thing is… Let’s face it. All men have their flaws. And he, as many others before him, is just a little bit of an eejit with certain things. Especially when it comes to finding items in our house. Items that have been IN our house for generations. Or are lying right under his nose. Like the butter in the fridge.

Now for some reason, this one pops up with alarming regularity. Some heinous member of our household ‘moves’ the butter from its usual place to a different spot on the shelf. Maybe 10cm to the left or right – and what does he do? He panics. Instantly jumps to the wrong conclusion, every time again. Standing with the door open he’ll yell to me, “There is no butter!!”.

“Yes there is” I’ll say.

“No, I’ve looked. There’s none!” He’ll reply.

“Yes there is. Look again” say I.

“I’m telling you, there’s none here!”.

Me (slow exhale of breath): “Did you look beside the cheese?”.

He, after a pause, “Well … who put it there??!”

Same thing counts for milk, bread… tins of beans. All of which can be right there in front of him but he just won’t see them unless they’re placed EXACTLY where he expects them to be. Every single time.

Nor does he flourish well if put on the spot to make snap decisions, as I was reminded last month when he was given just ten minutes to prepare an overnight bag for my hospital admittance.

As we waited for the last test result, I suddenly thought of it and wondered how he’d coped. “You did pack some things for me, right love?” I queried. “Yes!” he replied, pride glowing on his face. “Did you grab my nightgown from the bed?” I wondered, with a little bit of hope, “No… ” he replied, his voice a little weaker. This is when I got worried. “So, what did you put in?” I ventured. “The nice black one, hanging on the door” (still proud, but definitely some doubt in there now). “Jesus Christ, not the black, transparent negligee??” I squeaked, my face aghast to think of what the hospital staff would say if they found me lolling in the bed in my ‘sexy bit’. White faced, he whispered, “was that not good?”.

Half an hour later (and one super speedy race back home by him to walk the dog AND pick up a cotton nightie), he was back, the missing nightgown and a toothbrush bundled into a large, garish plastic bag. Smothering my inner, “Mrs. Bouquet” streak – I let that one go.

Two days later, when he showed up with a set of four, seriously HUGE granny knickers – I’m talking deep enough to pull up to my chin – in response to my plea for some new, loose underwear, I let it go too.

Because you know what? once we’d made it past the blips and bloops of the whole process, it was his face (and only his) I wanted, needed to see coming around that door at visiting hour. And when you think about it, finding the butter is a highly overrated skill, after all.